On Monday, my teacher asked me, “with whom am I speaking… is this Nityatara or is this Cathy?” I was taken aback by how our meeting was starting, probably a good thing because it forced me to be present in the moment rather than getting lost in the constructs surrounding these two names. Our discussion continued, and at the end, I replied that he was speaking with Cathy. What a relief and what a realization! It is 20-20 after all, time for clear vision…
I received the name Nityatara in 2012. It has been an essential part of my spiritual evolution and has supported me through the tumultuous changes of these past seven+ years. Nityatara means Eternal Star and as a friend shared with me, Always Shining. I was humbled by its beauty.
Moving to Cleveland involved significant life-changing decisions, and even though this was the right move and positive in the overall scheme of things, I still had to journey into very dark places, experience paralyzing fear, stand up to authority figures from every part of my life, and still hold tight to being true to myself – all while seeking to minimize any pain or suffering these decisions may be causing others. Looking back, I realize that the inner work of embodying Nityatara was the daily practice that kept me moving forward amidst the chaos. I am eternally grateful to all of my teachers, friends, and family as well as to yoga’s timeless teachings which have supported me through this time.
And now, back to Monday: later that morning, I had the aha moment, the realization that everything had indeed come full circle. In December, my father sent me the birthday card that is pictured here. Without going into detail, this card turned into a profound healing moment. I don’t even think he realized the impact of his action. We are told that with initiation, our name may change even though our mantra remains the same. Each of us has an inner teacher who knows exactly what we need in this life and speaks clearly when we listen deeply within. I know that Nityatara will always be a part of me, but the name has served its purpose and it is time to let it go. I return to being called Cathy, welcoming the next chapter of my life and all that awaits us in this new decade.